Weekly Weigh In and Thoughts

Hey guys. Once again I was sick this week. Maybe I'm really over it this time. I'm SOOO ready to get back into the routine I'm used to and really get some work done at the gym. However I think I finally have accepted that I'm going to have to slow down every now and then and take care of myself completely instead of just working my butt off at the gym. I need to put that much work into the whole journey. It has been a very rough two weeks for me. I'm have a terrible time trying to deal with food issues. I actually found myself wishing yesterday that I hadn't had the surgery. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm very glad I did. I feel wonderful physically. I have more energy then I know what to do with, most of the time. I am starting to look absolutely wonderful. LOL ok maybe that sounds a little too conceited, but.... that's ok. I don't say it often. This journey is just sooo emotionally and mentally challenging. I can't even begin to explain it. I heard before I had it that it was all mental. I didn't believe it. But it is SOOOO true. It is just all very overwhelming at times. Everything I knew before surgery about food and exercise (which was basically I hate it and I'm not doing it) doesn't apply anymore. But it goes so much further then just the food and exercise. My emotions are different and much stronger. My attitude is... I don't even know where to begin on that one. I honestly never realized JUST how important attitude was to everything in life. And I am having the hardest time in the world trying to keep my attitude where it needs to be. My outlook on everything has changed. My hopes and dreams and wishes for my life have changed. I have found happiness, which anyone who has known me for any period of time knows that is a HUGE accomplishment for me. Everything I ever knew, has changed. And I have to admit, I thought it would get easier the further out I go, and it probably will. However right now its probably the hardest its ever been. That I'm sure is because I've hit that critical 6 month mark. The point where so many people who go through this surgery make it to, and then go back to the way they always did things. The point where you have to make even more effort to stay focused and stay on track. The point where you decide I want this to work, and I want it to work forever, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to see that it does. Or the point where you decide that you miss the old ways of life, the old ways of eating, the old ways of doing things and go back to what you used to do. The holidays are a very hard time for me, at least this first year. Again I'm sure it will get easier as I get further out. I never realized just how much all the holidays focus on food. Even the ones that don't seem like they do, have food stuff that you just associate with them all the time. Having said that, I have been thinking alot the last couple days. I have come too far, I've worked to hard. I don't and won't go back. Yes it is hard. But I knew it would be, maybe not how hard, but I knew it would be. I have made the decision to do this and make it my way of life. That means I have to be able to accept the decisions and choices I need to make to do this and do it correctly and successfully. Its a challenge everyday, but it really is worth it.

Now, for this weeks weight in. I lost 3.8 pounds this week, and I lost 2 inches. I am down to 239 lbs. I started at 355 lbs. So I have lost 116 pound total. I have lost a total of 132.75 inches. The most amazing part about the inches is, I have lost almost 2 FEET around my waist, and am very close to having lost that much in my hips too.

I went to my surgeon for my 6 month follow up Monday of this week. I saw the nurse practitioner. She told me I am doing perfect and that I should be very proud of myself. She said she looks at my chart, and my weight loss, and then looks at me, and can only think I've lost a whole person. She has a son who weighs 110 pounds. She said I look at you and can only think you used to carry him on your back at all times, every time you did anything and never put him down. That was a pretty powerful image. Really made me realize just exactly how much I've accomplished and how far I've really come.

I have joined a weight loss site online, that specializes for people who have had the surgery. It gives me the ability to create a "ticker" showing my weight loss. It has my starting weight and a goal weight and shows how much I have to go to get to goal. I will update it every week at weigh ins. I have put the ticker on the bottom of my blog. So be sure to check that out. I set my goal weight at 160, which may change, but I thought it would be a good place to shoot for. I may decide when I get closer to that point, that I may want to adjust that number for my goal.

I hope everyone has a great 4th of July. Thanks for the support you all give me. It means more then you can ever know. Love you all.
Steph