Overwhelmed

Hey guys. Today was a crazy day for me. I went to the orthopedic surgeon this morning to see what was going on with my knee. He thinks I've torn my meniscus in my right knee. The only way to fix that is with surgery, and there is nothing you can do to help it in the mean time. I'm scheduled for an MRI on August 5th. That was the soonest they could get me in. I see the doctor again on August 12, and more then likely I'll be scheduling surgery that day. Surgery will probably be the end of August when this quarter is over at school. Now, there are lots of problems with this. One, I'm not supposed to do anything that hurts my knee, no bending, no pressure, nothing, and stay off it as much as possible. Well EVERYTHING hurts my knee. It hurts sitting down, it hurts standing up, it hurts laying down, it hurts elevated, it hurts bent, it hurts straight. Putting pressure on it to drive (not a lot of pressure needed for that) was unbearable pain. Then you also have to remember that I have gotten used to going constantly and doing major lower body and cardio workouts. That's not even an option anymore. I did 26 minutes on the bike today at level one, only going 3.5 MPH. I was trying for 30 minutes but I was hurting so bad I simply couldn't go any longer. We did upper body strength training today. And I still left the gym crying because my knee was hurting so bad. I had to stop in the room with machines twice and take pressure off of it. The second time I leaned against the ab machine and just cried. It hurt so bad. I tried to go to school tonight, and I was in so much pain that I couldn't have possibly paid attention to class and actually gotten anything out of it, and I couldn't drive. I called mom and she met me and was going to drive me, and the pain was just to much. It is still throbbing. And shooting pain all the way from my foot to my hip. I don't know what I'm going to do. Apparently there is nothing I can do, but pray this next month passes fast and that surgery will take care of it. I don't want to have surgery at all, but I can't live in pain like this forever.

Now having said that. I am extremely stressed and overwhelmed with food issues right now too. I asked Jerod (pt) a few weeks ago how much I should be eating, as far as calories go. I started tracking them on www.livestrong.com and was noticing that I had a negative net calorie total just about everyday. So he told me I needed to eat more. I had a realllly hard time dealing with that, and decided to email the dietitian that we work with before surgery and find out how much of everything we are supposed to be getting in. She emailed me back today. The numbers she gave me are.... I can't explain it. She said I should be getting i 1200-1300 calories a day. Since I have increased amount I eat since talking to Jerod about it, I am having to work very hard to get 900 calories, most days I don't get close to that. She also said I'm only supposed to have 20g of fat a day. Now, I eat low fat everything, have been ever since surgery. I was at 36g today. I'm not sure if its even possible to get 1200 calories in and only 20g of fat. Any food that will give me any amount of calories, is going to have fat, even if it is reduced fat. And I'm supposed to have 100 grams of carbs a day. Again, carbs are going to have fat, and I swear they told us we were supposed to go very low carbs?? And then of course protein, I'm supposed to get between 60 and 70 grams of it a day. I just simply do not see how its possible to get all that in. She said the "quick and easy" way of figuring it out, is to use a 6 inch plate, divide it in thirds, and fill it with 2-3 ounces of protein, 1/4-1/2 cup of vegetables, and 2 tablespoons of starch/carbs, and eat that three times a day. Now... please keep in mind that my surgery gave me an approximately 3 ounce pouch for a stomach. If I eat by that guide, that's 3 ounces of protein, 4 ounces of vegetables, and at least an ounce of starch or carbs. That is 8 ounces. How am I supposed to eat 8 ounces at once, when my stomach only holds 3 ounces? I am so confused and stressed and overwhelmed by it all. I just don't see how it is even physically possible.

So, needless to say I'm struggling right now. ALOT. I'm on a major emotional rollercoaster. Thankfully my attitude is staying in a good place right now. I'd be a disaster waiting to happen if my attitude falls apart on me. Please feel free to post comments with encouragement and support. It is very much needed and appreciated all the time, but even more so right now.