Impossible

Ok, so I tried to eat the way i'm supposed to according to the dietitian today. I failed miserably. My fat is over, my calories is wayyy under. My cholesterol is too high, and my protein is too low right now. Oh and carbs is low too. I just don't know how its possible to do what she said. And i tried to eat that much at supper, and i couldn't come close. I am beyond stressed and confused with this. I broke down crying at supper because i have tried so hard to eat more today and eat like she said i'm supposed to be, and i'm still not eating anything. plus i'm in major major pain. my knee is getting much worse everyday. if it continues to get worse at this rate, i won't be able to do anything at all by two weeks from now, if i make it that far i'll be very surprised. i went to school with mom today and started painting. will have to go one more time and that should get it finished. now, having said that. i did get a new pair skort today. a skirt with shorts under it. It was in the regular size womens clothes, which i can't remember the last time i could wear regular size clothes. this was a size 18 in regular sizes. which means i can now buy shirts and pants in the regular sizes. pretty amazing. however i can't help but feel that if i eat as much as they say i'm supposed to, i'm not going to be able to wear those sizes long, i'll gain weight back. plus with my knee and not being able to work out or exercise or really do anything. i basically get to sit here and eat and eat and eat and eat some more. hmmmm sounds an awful lot like what i was doing before surgery. and we all know where that got me. so i guess thats where i'm supposed to end up at again. *sighs* i fought like hell for 7 months to be forced to go back where i started. *cries* i am so damn confused and frustrated. i just wanna scream and cry.... and knock myself out so i can not hurt and maybe even sleep tonight. i haven't slept more then 3 hours the past 4 days. i can't keep going like this, i just can't. and i can't do a damn thing about it.