WOW. I am loving my new life. I can't wait to start doing things. And I am sooo going stir crazy. I'm going to drive my mom crazy asking to go somewhere. LOL. So yeah... yesterday was my week anniversary post op. I did my weigh in yesterday morning. When I started my pre op liquid diet, I was at 352. I was down to 342 when I had my surgery. When I weighed yesterday I was at.... 330. I've lost 22 pounds in 17 days. 12 of those in the last WEEK. I can not begin to explain how I felt when I saw those numbers. I honestly cried. A good cry, but I cried. I have had so many nerves and fears and emotions working up to the big day. And yesterday, they were all pushed away. I had done it. It had started to work already. I am on my way. I was on top of the world. I had very little pain yesterday. I told mom I was going to be in a marathon. Yesterday I sure would have tried. I had a small scare with meds yesterday. I had problems getting everything because of insurance approval and whatever. So I FINALLY got them all yesterday. And of course since I can't swallow pills, we had to crush them. I swallowed them in a little bit of protein drink, and started choking. I don't know if I had swallowed wrong or what. But I was choking bad. I was scared. I HURT. I just KNEW I had messed something up coughing and stuff like I was. It was horrible. Everyone that was there when it happened was scared. I am very glad to say that within a couple hours the pain had pretty much gone away. And everything appears to be fine.
Now today... has been very mixed emotions. I've felt wonderful. I have no pain. I was able to lay completely flat last night. And I even was able to lay on BOTH sides without it really even hurting. It was great. I slept soo good because I was able to be comfortable. However, there has been a bit of sadness and depression today. Up till now, I've not wanted to eat. I've not cared about food. Nothing sounded good or looked good. I was perfectly fine with popsicles and decaff tea and water and other liquids. Today on the other hand. I want FOOD. I don't want chocolate or junk food or anything like that. But I want food so bad and I can't have it. Its New Years Eve. My parents and friends are having all kinds of stuff to bring in the new year, and all I can have is freaking liquids. It is tough. I knew this side was coming. But it hit hard today, maybe tomorrow will be easier, I don't know. But today has been very tough. Oh well. I just have to look past this to what I know is coming. Knowing in the end that I will be able to eat, and it will all be worth it. I'm not just starting a new year. I'm starting a whole new life. I can't wait to see what 2009 and the next 60 years have to offer me. I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year full of happiness and excitement. See you all next year.
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I understand completely Stephanie. Steven when through the same thing. You feel like you have tried to do something to improve your life but now you cant live. The reason you feel this way is because you really cant live- your OLD life that is. Those days are gone and it is normal to grieve the loss of them. You are actually losing that part of you- The part of you that can eat anything (even though you knew you shouldn't). So you are going to miss it. BUT you have a NEW life. That is what you are gaining. And the times that you are not grieving you will be focusing on your new life and everything that comes with it. The grieving will get less and less as the new life takes over. Be gentle on yourself. You are about to embark on a new journey. Think back through your old life and the fun times, sad times and heavy times. You are going to face the same things in your new journey. You are beginning again-- what are you going to do differently? Love more, live better....... tell me- what are your plans, dreams... what will your focus be?
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C
hang in ther girlie it will get better i know it probably seems like everyone is going on without you, but i promise you your new life is going to be amazing its just going to take a little bit of time and alot a bit of patience/hardwork to get there.
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