Emotions Overload

Wow. I'm now 2 days away from starting the 10 day pre-op liquid diet. I think I have felt more emotions in the past 24-48 hours then I have my whole life up until this point. I have felt everything from excited and anxious to nervous and angry. I'm excited because it's getting so close. I am anxious because I know this is going to give me a whole new chance in life. I am nervous because it is a big surgery, and it does have its risks. I'm angry because I hear people talking about food and holiday plans and know that my Christmas dinner is going to be an ounce of chicken broth, and maybe an ounce of sugar free pudding, but that is probably more then I'll be able to eat. I went to the grocery store today and saw all this stuff that looked good, and I can't have it anymore. I'm very on edge. I tend to get frustrated very easily lately. I have heard all along that this surgery is very much a mental thing as well. I wasn't really experiencing that until the last few days. Now I very much see that aspect of things. I guess above all though, the two feelings I have the most, are excited and anxious. I have been overweight my whole life. I've been imprisoned by food for 28 years. I've tried diet after diet after diet, never with any success. Now, I'm sitting here, 13 days away from the surgery that will allow me to have a life I never thought possible. A life where people will look at me, and see Stephanie, not an overweight person and automatically assume all the stereotypes that being overweight place on you. A life where I can do anything I want to do, and the only thing that can stop me, is ME. For 15 years I battled a major battle with depression. I have finally broken free of that prison. Now I am being given the chance at freedom from the other thing holding me back in life, my weight. I can't wait to see how it feels to be able to walk through the store without getting out of breath. I have told my family for a few months now, that I can't wait for the day I can walk into any regular store and pick up a pair of pants and have them fit, or be to big (which seems impossible right now). I will try to keep this blog current. Please feel free to comment and let me know you are on my side. I'm sure I am going to need all the encouragement and support I can get. I appreciate all of you. See you tomorrow.