I did it!!!

I finally have a good thing to post and share with you all. Yesterday was absolutely amazing. Since surgery I have been feeling like I'd lost the life I had. Feeling like I wasn't able to live anymore. I've had more energy since surgery, but I just never seemed to be able to really get going. When I had my surgery they told me in the hospital that I would have to get between 62 and 74 grams of protein a day. I need to drink 64 ounces of water or crystal light, something along those lines. I need to eat 3 meals a day, with 3 ounces per meal. I've been getting my water in for a while now, just about every day. Up until about two weeks ago, I couldn't eat but about 1 ounce at a meal, and would be perfectly content to only eat twice a day, and only then because I knew I had to. After some long talks with a very good friend, and being convinced that it was ok for me to eat, and that it wasn't going to hurt me to eat, I am now eating 3 meals a day, and 3 ounces for each one. The one thing I had not been able to do, was get in enough protein. Now there are so many protein shakes and things out there, but they just weren't agreeing with me. The shakes make me sick, the protein bars are almost all chocolate, and I don't really like chocolate anymore. I was just really struggling with that part. Now when I was only eating about 2 ounces a day, I was maybe getting 15 grams in, on a really good day. When I started eating that went up to about 40 grams because I found ways to incorporate more into my food. Yesterday, I had 73 grams of protein. For the first time ever, I got in all my fluids, all my meals with the right amount of food, AND ALL my protein. I finally did it. I finally got it everything my body requires. It took me 3 months, and its been a very long road, but I got there. I had so much energy yesterday. I woke up at 7:45 and started my day, and I went strong all day. At midnight last night, I was still full of energy. I went to the gym yesterday, and had one of the most amazing work outs. I told my trainer I wanted to push myself. She made sure I did. I did 20 minutes on the treadmill, with more then half of the time going at least 3.2 mph. I did the elliptical machine for the first time ever. My trainer told me not to be discouraged when I got on it, because most people can't do 2-5 minutes on it when they first start. I did a full 5 minutes on it. I did 8 machines, 2 of which were new. The weight on all of them was up 5 or 10 pounds from what I have been doing, and we normally do 3 sets of 25 on each machine, and yesterday I did 4 sets of 25 on each one. We did several kinds of stretches and working on balance. And then we did some things with the exercise bands. And then the bike for a cool down. I went for a 2 hour work out, going harder then I probably ever have, and it felt great. It was just an absolutely wonderful day. I felt truly alive. I felt the greatness that I have in me that so many have known was there all along, but I'd never been able to see myself. I not only have my life back, but I have so much more. No I may not have lost as much as I would have liked this month. But ultimately, I have gained so much more then I ever felt possible. I have a life, and the energy, health, and desire to enjoy and live it. I finally felt and lived the very reason I had this surgery. I know there will still be rough days along the way. But the other days, the days like yesterday, more than make up for it.

I've stalled....

Well guys, its been a while since i posted, i know. I was out of town for a week, and then school has started back, so i've been keeping pretty busy. I've been going to the gym for right at a month now. I have had mixed emotions about it. I loved it originally, i had a great trainer, i was feeling awesome after my workouts. Then my trainer left. And i had a horrible experience. The guy they gave me to work with didn't push me at all, wouldn't listen to me when i tried to tell him what i had been doing, and laughed at me when i couldn't do what i was trying to do. i got very frustrated. and to a point wanted to quit going completely. but i know i have to go. it was just really hard when the person who is supposed to be encouraging you and pushing you and motivating you stands there and laughs in your face. i know i am not that strong, i know i have a TON of work that needs to be done. that is why i'm there and why i have a trainer, because i need help. not for them to laugh at me. so i went back today and i had an awesome workout. i did two full hours of just me and the trainer. i'm sore tonight from it, and i go the next two days as well, so by friday or saturday, i won't be able to move. but thats ok. i had a different trainer today, who is going to be my new permanent trainer, and she was great. she listened, she encouraged, she wanted to know all about the surgery so she can know what i am going through. she is gonna be great to work with. however, i'm very discouraged today. VERY. i think i've known it was coming for a while now, but it really hit today. when i started at the gym they weighed me there and i weighed 291. i weighed today, a month later, and i'm only down to 286. in a month i've only lost FIVE pounds. i've stalled. my inches aren't really changing either. i mean, i've still lost 65 pounds since surgery in three months. and that is great. but i feel terrible with this month, i was easily losing at least 5 pounds a week up until this month, and then i just lose 5 pounds ALL month. i feel like i'm even failing at this with the surgery. at this point, it shouldn't be possible for me to fail yet. i just recently started even eating 3 ounces a meal. i know i'm not over eating, i'm exercising. i'm drinking my water. and yet i get NO results. i am so frustrated and upset and aggravated. part of me feels like saying forget, and another part of me wants to fight that much harder. i just don't know what more i can do. anyway, just a very bad day. i'm sure it will pass before too long, at least i hope it does. and i hope and pray i start losing again or can at least see some results somehow. this is a hard enough process when you can tell you are getting somewhere, but when you have to fight through all the changes, and can't see that its doing anything either, it gets really tough.